Kate Moss, a Woman after My Sequined Heart

I love few things in the world more than sequins, Kate Moss and Topshop. Scarlett knows how serious that statement was. So when Kate Moss started doing capsule collections for Topshop, I was her exact target demographic. I am pretty sure that I am going to get the Gold Teddy, because it is adorable in a film noir, I'm too sexy for my own good sort of way.

However, I am undecided on the Limited Edition sequin dress Kate is wearing above. I love sequins to a fault, and how many sequin dresses should one twenty-three year old girl own? One? Two? Seven? Since Kate has recently sprouted boobs, I know it will look killer. DECISIONS!

I am also thinking seriously about the Hawaiian print scarf. Scarlett is probably about to vom, but I go to Hawaii every year, and the black seems to make it really ironic. Thoughts?

I Normally Love Website Stylists

Typically, I love what website stylists do. They take all the best trends for the current season, and break them down into 20 pieces or under that will make any girl look super fashionable. This is a job I would love to have! Today, however, Shopbop deeply offended me.

CROPPED CARGO PANTS.

Do you know anyone who would look cute in that, save Jennifer Aniston? Anyone who would fork out $275 for the joy of extra pockets? IN OCTOBER?

HEELED WORK BOOTS.

I may have been willing to forgive the cargo. MAYBE. And then you throw these Kors Michael Kors Lace Up Booties at me. And I want to vomit. There is so much to talk about here, and I'd rather not waste my dying breath on them.

A SEQUINED SHORT SLEEVE SWEATSHIRT

Scarlett knows me best, and she certainly can document my love affair with sequins. I am offended that out of all the gorgeous items available at Shopbop, they decided to recommend a $545 short-sleeve sequined sweatshirt. How, dare I ask, would one wear a piece of clothing that is at once day-level appropriate layering, BUT COVERED in evening sequins?

The Day I Became the Victim of the Best Sales Job in the World

Dear Intermix on Armitage in Chicago,

Your sales girls are doing well. On a rainy sunday in October, I walked in to perhaps get a new piece of jewelry to accent my standard white v-neck t-shirt for a concert later this week. Upon seeing a very cute one in the case, I asked a sales lady to retrieve it so I could try it on. It's a very cute Giles and Bro multiple chain bracelet - the exact kind of thing I love, basically, what could be a Chanel item but for like a Chanel girl that has tattoos.

I immediately love it. While I am trying on such a lovable bracelet, I mention that I am probably going to wear it to a concert on Wednesday... And that's when chaos happened. She said I simply HAD to try on this cute, flowy, Joie top.

Again, impossible to resist. This woman had my style pegged exactly when I walked in, and she exposed my weakness. BUT THERE'S MORE.

"Wouldn't it look great with a belt?" she said, innocently, as she handed me this Stackables Black Pyramid studded belt, something similar to which I've been looking for for a year! I try it on, and of course it looks perfect. I'm elongated, super model sexy, and the worst part is, I'm thinking of precisely three pairs of shoes in my closet that this look would look great in.

And then she lowers the kill. "You know, you should really try this with leggings." I had come in in my favorite William Rast jeans, perfect for a Sunday shopping excursion, but certainly not for this newly constructed, chic outfit. She hands me a pair of David Lerner leggings. "All the girls here wear them practically every other day. They're so functional and at a great price point." And as I slipped them on, I look in the mirror. These are everything I wish leggings could be and more - actually a thick material so warm for the brutal Midwestern winter coming my way, cover any manner of sins, and they look my A look so good I can wear a top that briefly exposes what in my old American Apparel leggings should have been covered. And for what? $80! A small price to pay for freedom, my friend.

And that is the tale of how I walked in to spend maybe $125, and walked out with $470 in merchandise. I would say it's an isolated incident, but you'd know better than that.